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Guitar technician reporting from the tourbus....

Monday, 26 April 2010

Drachten

Bit of a funny gig really, what with the mysterious and rather large stranger getting in my way at the side of the stage, the most feeble drunken stage invasion I've ever witnessed, and my utter conviction that I'd been belmed at for no good reason, knocking my chipper mood for six. It all came good in the end as it always does somehow, and thankfully the post-show shower was nice and hot. Dinner was lovely as well - top marks to the chef.

The ferry ride home from Zebrugge (much nicer than the Rotterdam boat) almost rivalled the now legendary Stockholm/Helsinki Viking Line crossing for sheer bizarre drunken tedium. This time we had loudly farting pensioners, cabaret turn Rocker-Fella sticking noodly guitar solos where they're least wanted in his you'll-never-guess-what-I'm-going-to-play-next set, and a hyperactive French version of the Kids from Fame leaping about the place. I also experienced what it feels like to eat the world's most disappointing pizza.

Turkey next week.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Dordrecht


Great gig in another converted church (Rock 2 - God nil) in the handsome, historic town of Dordrecht with its jauntily-angled buildings and surfeit of elegant river craft. Whilst the front row at the Deventer gig had representatives from the "gran-athema" contingent, Dordrecht had the other end of the spectrum amply covered with three fine young lads air-guitaring and singing along with youthful vigour. I'm not so sure about the devil sign/yawning combo one displayed - must have been a little past his bed time. I'm also harbouring the suspicion that some of our missing picks ended up in his pocket. You know who you are. Anyway, it seems Anathema can truly claim to be a group that appeals to all ages. There's a lot of pension/pocket money to be had out there.

Friday, 23 April 2010

Deventer

It may not look like much from the outside but our bus for these three Dutch shows might just be my favourite yet, despite its obvious flaws. The bunks are most capacious, though the curtains (providing much-needed privacy) wouldn't look out of place in your granny's bungalow. The kitchen is far better designed than others I've come across, though its situation on the top deck means something as simple as making a cup of tea can be a hair-raising and potentially life-threatening experience. We have three lounges (including one at the front - essential in my opinion) but nothing to match the original travellers' arms from my first European tour a couple of years ago. Swings and roundabouts really.

The Deventer gig was a classic "airing new material" kind of a show. It sounded great from where I was standing, despite Vincent's Electro-sodding-Harmonix pedals messing with my head once again by not working at the most awkward of moments. They sound tremendous but don't travel well. It may be time for a rethink. Anyway, always nice to be in the Netherlands - good place, good people.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Finally..

..only one more day and we'll be boarding the North Sea Ferry (only ten minutes away from me), bound for the Netherlands and three shows which could not be more welcome for so many reasons. I will be reporting from the bunk so be sure to stay tuned for all the latest news, comment and analysis.

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Not long now.

Anathema's much-anticipated new album will be released on My 31st and the first shows in a long while are just a few weeks away. It's been a long, cold winter.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Old news for many of you but the first dates of 2010 have been announced on Anathema's official website. So far in April we have Deventer, Dordrecht and Drachten, part of what's shaping up to be the places beginning with "D" tour. Then in May there's three dates in Turkey followed by a couple in Russia. Can't wait to get on the road again.

Thursday, 3 December 2009

See you next year

Anathema are in the studio putting the finishing touches to their new album which will be released in March of 2010. It looks like we won't be on the road (or in the air) again until then, so unless something turns up in the meantime I'll speak to you in the spring. Happy hibernation.

Monday, 16 November 2009

Beirut

It seems like we're back home before we've even set off, having flown out Friday afternoon and then back again only a couple of hours or so after the gig. I was in my local pub by one o'clock on Sunday afternoon enjoying a pint of John Smith's. There were a few foreheads on carpets on the plane to Lebanon - it must have been a designated prayer time or something, which makes me wonder if it's a time-zone specific activity or there's a global consensus as to when five o'clock is. If the former is true it must be tricky doing it on a plane, what with having to figure out where east is as well. What if the plane banks mid-invocation? Or you're suddenly one hour further forward than you were when you started praying? I'm sure they take all of that into consideration, and anyway it was of no concern to us - a fan among the cabin crew ensured we had a plentiful supply of beer and vodka, of which Mick took advantage to the fullest, his impassioned discourse on the merits or lack thereof of well-known actor Tom Cruise polarising opinion among nearby passengers.

After ages waiting for passports to be stamped on arrival we found one guitar had gone missing (still at Heathrow when we got back), which was a bit worrying as we hadn't brought a spare. Finnish support "To Die For" came good in the end by lending Danny a very nice Tokai Les Paul for the show - thanks fellas. There then followed a white-knuckle ride to the hotel where we met our Lebanese promoter, a Christian gentleman named, surprisingly, Jihad. It turns out he'd converted to Christianity after being raised in the Islamic faith but subsequently found himself more than a little disappointed by the actions of local extremists. I'd best not go any further into that, though I know what I would have done in his situation.
Jihad kindly took us to Abdel Wahab's pie and mash shop after we'd dropped our stuff at the hotel. I'm prepared to believe him that it's the best cuisine to be had in Beirut. In fact it was some of the finest food I've ever tasted, and I now know finally what hummus is supposed to taste like. What I wouldn't give for a doggy bag right now - some of that perfectly marinated lamb and the spinach with the crispy bits on top, or maybe the stuffed vine leaves and the other stuff with the crispy bits on top, or that sliced sausage.... delicious. The only down side (apart from the whole tiny birds which Vincent gamely tried) was that they brought us far more than we could possibly have eaten. I do hope it wasn't thrown away.

I have to say at this point that of all the countries I've visited Lebanon has the worst driving standards. There really doesn't seem to be any rules, at least not that I could make out, be they speed limits, road markings, giving way to other road users or indeed any form of common courtesy. I saw the odd traffic light but I couldn't figure out what their purpose was within a Lebanese context. Every journey was a pants-shitting experience, particularly the one after the concert when we narrowly escaped being attacked by an unruly mob, our driver thankfully speeding away before they could get their hands on us.

Before soundcheck Vincent was whisked away for an interview on Lebanese TV, and again had to field questions regarding satanic worship and suicide connected to the band's music. Yep, that old chestnut. It seems a local Catholic school had circulated a letter the previous day warning young people not to go to the gig as satanism would be practiced there, along with much taking of drugs and the spreading of the gothic "culture of death". The no cameras rule was a dead giveaway to them - let's keep it nice and secret eh? I'm willing to bet these idiots have never heard a single Anathema track in their ignorant, narrow-minded lives. Honestly, the sooner these superstitious morons fuck off and let the intelligent and open-minded young people, of whom they're so obviously terrified, have a crack at running things the better it'll be for everyone. Why can't people just mind their own damn business? Here's an opinion from someone closer to the action:


Anyway, there was a very enthusiastic and non satan-worshipping crowd at the (very big) Forum de Beyrouth, half Syrian judging by the cheer that went up. As luck would have it the set for the Lebanese TV show "1 vs 100" was under construction next door so a couple of bits of wood for pedal boards weren't too hard to come by. The local crew were all hugely helpful, the backline technician being a big Anathema fan so his day was made. Guitar tech George also deserves a special mention. It all went very smoothly and the crowd went nuts - it's always a pleasure to work a show where there's an appreciative and passionate audience. At about two in the morning we headed back to the hotel for approximately one hours sleep before the previously mentioned journey home to the pub. During the show Vincent expressed a wish to return to Lebanon in 2010, and to maybe take in Syria and Jordan whilst we're in the neighbourhood. That should ruffle a few feathers. We'll see what happens.

Monday, 9 November 2009

Hellfire Festival..

...attached to a music trade show at the annoyingly large Birmingham NEC, bloody miles away from the train station. When I got there it took a fair while to find someone who could give me a pass, but luckily I was just in time to witness the joys of Kiss covers band "Dressed To Kill". If one is going to form a tribute act, surely there's better acts to ape than Kiss for pity's sake? Maybe it's the dressing up that appeals. While we're on the subject, I want to get OC/DC together if anyone's interested - we'll take ages to set up our gear, making sure it's just right, then play the same riff over and over for the whole set. Anyway, after deciding I would ignore fake Paul Stanley's advice to catch them in Swindon in a couple of weeks I went for a wander around "Music Live" in the hall next door, an event which magically brought back all the horrors of seven years working in a guitar shop, then multiplied them by fifty. The place was full of men playing bad guitar solos. I hate guitar solos. Actually that's not strictly true - I hate the vast majority of guitar solos, but particularly those without accompaniment played by punters in music shops. Honestly, just play a chord - you'll know if you like it or not.

The show went well anyway, despite the ludicrous fifteen minute changeover time (nice of them to admit it was their amp that was faulty when the show was over). Warm Carlsberg (441) backstage this time, and no catering I might add. Shoddy.

Flying to Lebanon on Friday. That should be interesting.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

Leeds Damnation Festival

A short trip from Anathema HQ to the near-impossible to find students union of Leeds university for a load more metal. The set up was pretty good though the beer provided in the dressing room was un-refridgerated Carling - drink number 473 (of 474) on my list of preferred post-show beverages. Electric Wizard, on before us, where the loudest noise of any kind I've ever heard, making preparations for our slot a bit of a headache, though the pedal boards I made on the last tour finally proved their worth in a festival setting. The show went very well despite Vincent utterly destroying his guitar cable during a mid-song stamp. Later I enjoyed Nicholas Barker's band Lock Up who generously shared their stage with those wishing to dive off it, the largest and most menacing of their number looking more like a sweaty man gingerly belly flopping into a child's paddling pool than whatever it was he imagined himself to be. Another ignored etiquette altogether, randomly flinging himself onto an unsuspecting female audience member, almost knocking her out in the process. Idiot.

Hellfire festival in Birmingham next.

Monday, 5 October 2009

Doesn't seem like there's much happening until the Leeds Damnation festival on October 24th. Until then, here's some photos:

Derelict station in Osnabruck

Fonofest Latvia

Brits abroad at Fonofest

A Latvian beer engine

Padlocks on a bridge in Riga

Monument in Riga

John and Vincent in Riga

Riga

Matt and our guide in Buenos Aires

Santiago

Santiago sculpture park

Halfords Santiago branch

Monument in Buenos Aires

The Andes shortly before our landing in Chile

Helsinki

Leaving Stockholm for Helsinki

Returning to Stockholm from Turku

Friday, 25 September 2009

Three things I learned on this tour:

1. Flies can survive an awful long time in a microwave. I discovered this when heating milk for a poor man's cappuccino one hung-over morning. I didn't realise there'd been one in there until I opened the door and it flew out, continuing about its business seemingly un-nuked.

2. Having spent much time in the company of our esteemed drivers, I now know that the 1970s English sitcom "On The Buses" was in fact a documentary.

3. Matt, our front-of-house sound man, has the worst musical taste of any human being in history.

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Nijmegan

It's jolly nice to have spent the last few days in The Netherlands, the one country which I could quite easily consider moving to when I finally get sick of the UK, which when I think about it, is about five years ago. The venues and staff here have been excellent, though the manager of the Patronaat in Haarlem appears to have taken a course in advanced moaning as part of her vocational training. Yesterday I managed to pick up a bumper supply of Chocomel which, for those of you who have yet to try it, is the world's finest chocolate milk. This will fill my fridge when I return home, and I won't mind throwing out all the salad stuff to make room for it. I reckon ten litres should last me a couple of days or so. Got myself a nice little ante-room for guitar world today. It's nice to be tucked away out of sight sometimes.

Friday, 18 September 2009

Potsdam


By practicing the ancient art known as "dowsing for wifi" - basically wandering around with your laptop open - I have found one of the best hotspots so far - down by a river near an arts and museum complex, bathed in yet more September sunshine. It'll be good to get back to work later after two days off - too much leisure time on tour can be a bad thing. Work focuses the mind. The ferry back from Finland tested limits of sanity and self control. There's only so much geriatric Finnish karaoke one can listen to before considering violence. Happily, I managed to rid myself of all my Danish Krone on the crossing to Germany, blowing them all on a fish fillet dinner which was pretty tasty. Unlike other fellow travellers, I eschewed the wonders of the Reeperbahn in Hamburg last night, opting for a quiet night in with a film instead. Going to find some breakfast now.

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Tampere

A hot and sticky gig in a smashing little venue which epitomised Finland for me - clean elegant surroundings, helpful friendly people and damn good food. It was so hot during the concert that during the intermission, in an effort to compose himself, Vincent lay flat on his back in the backstage area. Upon arising he left an imprint in perspiration that I can only describe in the following terms: Imagine Han Solo encased in carbonite, had The Empire Strikes Back been filmed as a gay porn movie....

Monday, 14 September 2009

Oulu

Pretty close to the Arctic circle here and it's still tee-shirt weather. A coke and a reindeer sandwich were fuel for today's load-in at a huge out-of-town venue that was once a sausage factory. Unlike the converted church in Gothenburg I'm not so sure that in this case it's a better use for a building, sausages being, in my opinion, one of mankind's greatest achievements. Another of those achievements is the automatic washing machine, an example of which I found tucked away in a small room in a far corner of the building, currently cleaning more than a week's worth of manky tour-togs. Bliss.

Sunday, 13 September 2009

Finland


Sat in the sunshine on the waterfront in Helsinki after an utterly bizarre ferry crossing from Stockholm where we'd been parked for what seemed like an aeon, at least. One cannot begin to describe the forms of musical entertainment provided by Viking Line on the SS Gabriella, presumably tailored to ease our eighteen-hour passage across the Baltic, so I won't bother. Vincent summed it up perfectly though with the question, "have we taken drugs without realising it?" Both John and Les raised the karaoke bar by several notches with fine renditions of Elvis Presley and Tom Jones numbers respectively, leaving subsequent hapless performers to appear hackneyed and amateurish by comparison. The photograph shows Les sporting correct head and eye-wear as recommended for such a voyage.

Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Gothenberg

After last night's nightmare with Vincent's pedals I'm pleased to report that (so far) tonight's gig is passing without major incident, taking place in a venue occupying a building that was previously a church - how nice to see it being used for a more worthwhile purpose. Several fellow travellers reported a fitful rest in their bunks during this morning's journey from Oslo to Gothenburg. I myself dreamed I'd designed a stage set for the band which incorporated a water feature with floating chess pieces, positioned just behind the lead singer. Fuck knows what that means. New arrival Tim is our stand-in driver for the next few days while John flies home for a scan on his knackered back. A day off is to be enjoyed in Stockholm tomorrow.

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

My glee at ridding myself of the 50 Krone in Copenhagen was to be short-lived, what with it being too late for a kebab after the show and driver John being eager to get on the road and Oslo-bound. I therefore have left Denmark with 97 of their Krone, 47 more than when I arrived. It's a buy out again tonight so knowing my luck I'll end up with a pocket full of Norwegian shitters as well, their sole purpose being to taunt me when I'm skint back home in London.

Monday, 7 September 2009

Getting into the swing of things now, having just finished setting up the stage in Copenhagen. Last night's gig in Malmo was a success, the airing of a new song ("Universal") going down particularly well. I finally managed to get rid of the 50 Danish Krone I've been carrying with me for the past ten months, a local branch of Aldi being chosen both for its proximity to the bus and its plethora of cheap snackables. Normally the cash would have gone on beer but it was early and to be honest it'd been burning a hole in my pocket for the best part of a year. It's a buy-out for dinner this evening so a visit to the local kebab shop, about which I've heard many good things, is in order.

Saturday, 5 September 2009

Parked up in Bremen for the night enjoying a beer and currywurst. The ferry crossing was surprisingly smooth, unsurprisingly boozy. Nursing a hangover, Matt left his phone on board. It would be an invaluable find for one planning to make the leap from cabin cleaner to PA and sound reinforcement provider, what with all the contacts he has on there. Let's hope he gets it back. Spent much of today on the bus watching Penn and Teller's show "Bullshit", which is highly recommended, and banging my head on the skylight, which is not. It does take a couple of days to get your bearings on a new bus. I'm growing very fond of the little window in my bunk. I might see if I can find some tiny net curtains and lego window boxes when we get to Denmark, just to make it a bit more homely.

Friday, 4 September 2009

Finally on the road after couple of setbacks. We're now heading to Hull for the north sea ferry (and a pretty rough crossing by the sound of things) - the original Harwich/Denmark plan scuppered due to the bus breaking down twice before it had even picked us up. Still, that gave us ample time to make sure we had all the essentials for the tour, for example: two model helicopters and a unicycle. It also meant we were able to take delivery of one Les Paul guitar, finally reunited with its owner after an extended furlough in Tunisia. The bus is very nice indeed, having a proper downstairs pub and upper viewing deck where I sit writing this. We have little windows in the bunks as well which will make all the difference (or at least half of it).

Incidentally, it has come to my attention that an as-yet unnamed member of Anathema is writing a rival blog for the duration of this excursion. Any acts of blatant plagiarism on his part should be reported directly to me via the comments section on this page. Thank you for your cooperation

Thursday, 3 September 2009

Scandinavia

So we're setting sail for northern lands, starting tomorrow with a twenty-hour ferry crossing to Denmark and then on to Sweden for the first gig on Sunday. I'm really looking forward to this. As far as I'm concerned you can keep your sweltering Mediterranean heat - I want pine forests, pickled herring and meatballs.

Here is the itinerary:

06 September malmo KB
07 September copenhagen vega
08 September oslo john dee
09 September gothenburg sticky fingers
11 September stockholm klubben
13 September helsinki nosturi
14 September oulu teatria
15 September tampere klubi
18 September potsdam waschhaus
19 September osnabruck kleine freiheit
20 September zoetermeer boerderij
21 September haarlem patronaat
22 September nijmegen doornroosje
23 September vosselaar biebob